Watch Out Captain Marko Ramius.

Looks like the Pentagon has come up with a sub that can really motor. Named the Underwater Express, hopefully that is just a working title as I don't think that name will strike fear into the hearts of our communist enemies. The sub reportedly can hit speeds of 127 mph. The speeds are attained by putting the sub in a big bubble which reduces the drag on the ship 60-70%. Apparently there are some problems making the bubbles at low speeds but I am sure the kinks will be worked out shortly. Also don't be surprised if PETA tries to scuttle this project claiming sea life won't be able to get out of the way of a ship moving so quickly.
DARPA INFO

What's Happening. (Weekend of 3/02)

Nature League's "Night Under the Stars Party" - 3/2 8P - 12A Cleveland Museum of Natural History.
An evening of out of this world entertainment with Astronomer Clyde Simpson who will host planetarium shows throughout the evening. Explore the museums galleries and its traveling exhibition; A T-rex Named "Sue", nibble on delicious hors d'oeurves, satisfy your sweet tooth at the chocolate fountain. Moonwalk to the sounds of the Armstrong Bearcat Band and sip on adult beverages from our $2 Mars Bar, featuring a Black Hole Martini. Admission includes the above, plus two (2) drink tickets! Call the Box Office or order online: 216-231-1177 or www.cmnh.org (Check Event Calendar). Tickets: $35, Nature League Member $25, At the door $40.

"Growing Up Brady" - Barry Williams (Greg Brady) - 3/3 8P Ohio Theater/Playhouse Square Center. Barry will discuss his experience growing up in front of America as Greg Brady on “The Brady Bunch.” Mr. Williams will meet with audience members after the show for photos and autographs, and will receive a “Brady for Life” certificate, signed by Mr. Williams. I'll have to buy a frame for that. Tickets are on sale now at Playhousesquare.org, or call 216.241.6000 or 800.766.6048

Silly Putty- 03/02-03/04 Hours vary Parish Hall, 6205 Detroit Ave.
A tribute to silly putty, that versatile toy from our youth. 10 local artist have created sculptures from this amazing substance.

Something Dada – Every Friday and Saturday 8P Tower Press Building 1900 Superior Ave.
I saw this show many years ago and it was great. It is an improve style comedy show. The group has been performing in the Cleveland area for 12 years. A word of warning the show is heavy into audience participation. So if you are shy or don’t like participating stay away from this. Also back when the show was next to the Dive Bar you could bring your own beer. I am not sure if that is still the case but if I check it out I’ll let you know.

Academy Awards Edition

Green? My ass. I love how Hollywood types love to comment on the world's problems but in reality do nothing. I don't deny that global warming is a problem but calling the Academy Awards green is a fucking joke. I don't see huge windmills or solar panels on top of the theater to power the lights, projectors, moving sets, hundreds of TV cameras and sound systems. Furthermore I did not see the "stars" rolling up in limos powered by anything other than good old fashioned gasoline. Oh and I am sure the metal in those award statues is smelted only in green blast furnaces, if there is such a thing, ha!
If you people want to make a difference and by "you people" I mean everyone involved with the awards, actors, directors, the academy, and the ancillary members of SAG, cancel the entire awards show. Take all of the money and invest it into American universities and companies for research. I mean any lab would be more than happy to take the 100 plus grand that goes into each "swag bag". The bright men and women of our scientific community could solve any one of the world's problems if they had the budget of a Hollywood "blockbuster".
I love how you people think providing entertainment is such an incredible feat. At the very best you might keep someone interested for an hour or two but for every "award winning" film there are 100s that suck canal water. If you ever take time out from patting yourselves on the back maybe you could actually do some good.

Academy Awards Edition

The Academy Awards are a kin to sucking your own cock. The people that win actually make it to their cocks. The losers fall over and break their necks.

Academy Awards Edition

The best screen play goes to Lou and Mark.

Two gentlemen standing in a bar, the smoke swirls around them like dreams that you can't quite remember. The smell of cheap perfume is also present reminding them of love that they have lost. They are admiring two ladies dancing up a storm. One lady is the the picture of perfection while the other is far from desirable.
The ladies exit the dance floor, stage right.
Man one: Nice dancing.
Homely chick: Thanks
Without hesitation both men: Not you!
Both men laugh and take a long swig of beer but in their hearts they know one of them will be "taking it for the team" in a few short hours.

Smart Monkey

Check this out.

Chimpanzees living in the West African savannah have been observed fashioning deadly spears from sticks and using the tools to hunt small mammals -- the first routine production of deadly weapons ever observed in animals other than humans.

We should drop off some bags of black powder and see if they can figure out how to make guns.

Full story here.

Weather Update - Looks Like Rain

Awesome! Definitely something to keep in mind next time you hit a gentleman's club.

Cornelius Haynes Jr., better known as the rapper Nelly tossed hundreds of $1 bills on the stripper stage, an action known in street slang as "making it rain".

What's Happening. (Weekend of 2/23)

Beer Fest 2/23 - Panini's in Sagamore Hills 8P-? (Not an actual event but that is what I will be doing Friday. Although you could consider hanging out with me an event.)

Cleveland Auto Show- 2/24-3/04- IX Center Hours vary.

Cleveland Praisefest - The Q 2/25 - 6-8P - Doors open at 5P

Chili Open Golf Classic - 2/24 Cuyahoga County Fairgrounds 9A-4P $40.

16th Annual Jump Back Ball - 2/24 Playhouse Square 7p. Sold out! I already have my tickets, suckers.
http://www.playhousesquare.us/jbb07/index.asp

Thanks ABC!

News Channel 5 Cleveland ruined my weekend. I sat down to watch Lost in HD (recorded 2/14) but I was denied the HD goodness. Channel 5 thought it was necessary to run the school closing list, which cuts out the HD feed, for the entire hour! I bought a HD TV to watch shows and sports in HD not to get pointless weather updates. I know how to use the internet or I can just look out the window for weather information. They pulled this shit during the last 2 nationally televised Cavs games also. Looks like I'll be hitting the torrent sites again. This is one more huge strike against TV.

If this pisses you off as much as it does me let them know about it.
Channel 5's email - nn5news@newsnet5.com

Also take a look at their 1980's Front Page designed website. Piece of crap.
http://www.newsnet5.com

Also contact ABC directly to let them know what a shitty job their affiliate is doing.
http://abc.go.com/site/contactus.html

Its a girl.

Congratulations to my friends M&A on their new daughter!

What's Happening. (Weekend of 2/16)

I will try to make this a weekly post that will cover events taking place in the Cleveland area. Well, events that interest me anyway. Also don't be surprised if some weeks have no events, this is Cleveland after all. Feel free to add events in comments.

Blind Pig 10th Anniversary Friday 2/16 8P - I'll be checking this out!
Golf Show Cleveland IX Center Fri,Sat&Sun
NASA's New Spaceship @ NASA Glenn Visitor Center Sat 10A-3P
Winter Beer Fest - Rock Bottom $20 Sat 1-9P

Valentine's Day. Yippy!

I basically hate all holidays but I especially hate bullshit made up holidays. Valentine's day has no redeeming aspects what so ever.

If you are married or in a relationship you feel pressured to buy gifts and meals for your girlfriend/wife. Plus you have plan everything out. If you did not make dinner reservations weeks in advance you are shit out of luck. Oh and you can't expect Red Lobster to be good enough either, nope, you need to eat at a "fancy" or "hip" place and by that I mean expensive. (Dating/relationship tip - If you know how to cook and the stuff you make actually tastes good, do not use that power very often. If you have a new chick by all means whip up a meal or two but once you have her hooked keep that in your bag of tricks. Then when you forget to make reservations or do something else to get yourself in trouble you can bail yourself out and it will seem sweet and thoughtful, ha!) The gifts are even a bigger joke. A crappy box of candy shaped like a heart filled with the most disgusting creations to ever come out of candy land. I mean whoever came up with those candy fillings should be shot.

Now if you are single guy it is a whole different story. You can go one of two ways. You will either feel like a loser for not having someone to share this oh so magical day with or you will be filled with joy that you don't have to waste your cash on this nonsense. For me it is a combination of both. I am sure I will feel a slight bit of sadness as I sit down to enjoy some tasty wings and draft beer, alone, but once I get a nice buzz and pay my $15 tab I'll feel much better.
So happy Valentine's Day to all you suckers.

Bluetooth cell phone headsets

I am by no means a fashionable or a "cool" guy but I do know wearing one of those headsets makes you look like a total tool. Every time I see someone with the damned thing blinking in their ear I want to rip it out and stomp it. The only time that thing might look remotely cool is if you are playing a game of TRON Frisbee.

Cable/commercial TV dying?

I think so. I have a decent LCD HD TV with a HD DVR. There are a lot of shows on TV that I enjoy watching. I am normally not home when the shows air but I have them recorded on the DVR. I always have plenty of HD shows for viewing sitting on the DVR but I still don't watch them. Why? Because I can't stand the commercials. I still watch the shows but I watch the avi or divx file of the show that I downloaded from a torrent. I much rather watch the show with the commercials removed for me. Sure I can fast forward with the DVR but that is a pain, I am always over or under shooting the fast forwarding. With programs like the Democracy player available that let you schedule the downloads of the newest episodes I really don't know why I continue to pay for cable and the DVR. I guess it comes down to the fact that DLing some shows may be border line illegal. I do it anyway because I figure I am already paying for them through the cable company.

Note to the networks: I would gladly pay you directly to have access to download your shows. Cut out the middle man (cable companies), cut out the commercials, and take my money directly from me.

Note to the cable companies: Start offering your channels a-la-cart for christ's sake or be ready to lose a customer. I probably watch 10-15 of the 100+ channels I have access to. The problem is those channels are spread out in different tiers of service. So I have to pay for access to the higher priced tiers to see one or two channels. Bastards.

Learn more about the Democracy player here
http://www.getdemocracy.com

Observation

If you are a guy in a bar and you have a beer with fruit in it you are an ass. No one is impressed with your "impeccable" taste in beer. Guys should only be drinking the cheapest draft or bottled beer available. Shots of straight whiskey or tequila are also fine. Any of the fruity type shots are only acceptable when done with groups of chicks.

First Post!

Hey my first post! Well at least my first one in the 00s. I was doing this way back in the early 90s but it took the rest of the world until 99 to catch on. I am not calling myself a trend setter but I am well ahead of the curve.